Domestic Violence Awareness Event Features "It Ends with Us"

People from across the state gathered at Watchetaker Hall on Thursday, October 17, for a Domestic Violence Awareness event.

Comanche Nation Family Assistance Center hosted Sister-Sister Talk on Domestic Violence in Indian Country and featured the film “It Ends with Us.”

Case Specialist Laura Gould said the organization wanted to highlight domestic violence in current pop culture and to show the red flags that were missed due to romanticization of the movie.

“Initially, him throwing the chair in one of the opening scenes, him telling her to shut up, him lying to her, and she continued to play off everything because she was caught in a moment of being in love or what she thought was love,” she said

Gould said “It Ends with Us” was an accurate depiction of what survivors go through.

“You fall into this sense of euphoria, and you ignore everything, and isolation becomes key, and you begin to fall more and more into this situation that's very hard to get out of sometimes,” she said. “And some people are lucky to get out of, and some people aren't very lucky to get out of it as well.”

Gould said domestic abuse has a wide range of definitions.

“It is mental, it is physical, it is spiritual, it's isolating, it can start as simple as mental manipulation, and sometimes it can and will escalate into physical,” she said. “So, you can't just discredit one case over the other. Abuse is abuse no matter what.”

For those looking into relationships, abuse can be swept under the rug or an unknown issue.

“It happens behind closed doors, and it is such an intimate situation that happens between two people who are together. Now, outside looking in, sister, brother, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa may choose to not want to see it because it's somebody they love as well, too,” Gould said. “They may choose to ignore the signs. Looking in from the outside, it can look totally perfect, and you can walk by dozens of people a day and think they are completely happy. Unfortunately, it's something that's swept into the rug for them.”

As for the signs of someone who may be in an abusive relationship…

“In the relationship, I would look for isolation first. He begins to cut you off from texting friends, going to hang out with friends, sometimes just starts with a little push. ‘It won't happen again.’ Then a push can become more. Then a push can be a full hit. Then before you know it, it can become a lot worse than that,” she said.

Native Americans face some of the highest rates of domestic violence and abuse, according to Gould.

“Not only in this country, in this state, Oklahoma faces the highest rate in the country for domestic violence. That ranks against women and men,” Gould said. “So, the statistics are staggering and alarming when you hear them out loud. But again, that's not something you see in the news every day. It's not.”

She said if someone sees something, they should say something, no matter their age, relationship or situation and know help is available for survivors and also the abusers who recognize patterns of behavior.

“Sit them down, talk to them, offer your ultimatums, give them the numbers to shelters, to counseling services, the national hotline for domestic violence,” Gould said. “The best thing you can do is get involved. Stay involved for as long as you can. And as to speak for the abusers, counseling matters intervention. Find a program that works best for them.”

She said these events are important, and there was an age restriction based on the movie, but having a younger audience helps spread the message and educate everyone.

As a case manager, she helps women and children. Gould said nothing is better than a success story and hopes to be exactly like her mentor and program director, Betty Simmons.